1. When a child is born, it is wâjib on the mother to breast-feed the child. However, if the father is rich and a wet nurse can be obtained, there is no sin on the mother if she does not breast-feed the child.

2. It is not permissible to breast-feed someone else's child without the permission of the husband. However, if the child is extremely hungry and there is a fear that if it is not fed it will die, then in such a case she can feed the child without seeking the permission of her husband.

3. The maximum period of breast-feeding is two years. It is harâm to feed a child beyond two years.

4. If the child has commenced eating solids and because of this the woman stopped breast-feeding the child before the expiry of two years, there is no harm in this.

5. When a child drinks the milk of another woman, that woman becomes the mother of this child. The husband of that woman becomes this child's father. The children of this woman are regarded as foster brothers and foster sisters of this child and nikâh between them is now harâm. All the relations that become harâm through lineage (blood relations) become harâm through this foster relationship as well. According to the majority of the ‘ulamâ, this rule will only apply if the child drinks the milk within the age of two years. If a child drinks the milk of another woman after the age of two, this will not be considered. This woman will not be regarded as the child's mother nor will her children be regarded as the child's brothers and sisters. Therefore, if they happen to marry, their nikâh will be valid. However, Imâm Abû Hanîfah rahmatullâhi ‘alayh says that even if a child drinks the milk of another woman within two and a half years, the nikâh will still not be valid. But if the child drinks the milk after the age of two and a half, there is no way that it will be considered. In this case, all the ‘ulamâ agree that the nikâh will be valid.

6. The moment the milk goes down the throat of the child, all relations which we had mentioned above will become harâm for that child. This is irrespective of whether very little milk went down or a lot of milk went down its throat.

7. If the child did not drink the milk directly from the woman's breast, and instead, she emitted some of her milk and fed it to the child, even then all those relations will become harâm for that child. Similarly, if some milk is poured into the child's nose, all those relations mentioned will become harâm. But if some milk is poured into the ears, it will not be considered.

8. If the milk of a woman is mixed with water, medicine or any other substance and given to a child, we will have to check whether the milk is more, the other substance is more, or both are equal. If the milk is more than or equal to the other substance, then the woman to whom the milk belongs will become the child's mother and all relations will become harâm for that child. But if the water, medicine, etc. is more than the milk; it will not be considered and the woman will not be regarded as the child's mother.

9. The milk of a woman was mixed with cow's or goat's milk and the child drank this milk. Check which is more. If the woman's milk is equal to or more than the other milk, all relations will become harâm for that child and this child will be regarded as the offspring of the woman to whom the milk belongs. But if the cow's or goat's milk is more, it will not be considered and it will be regarded as if the child did not even drink the woman's milk.

10. If a virgin girl happens to get milk and a child happens to drink it, all relations will become harâm for this child.

11. The milk of a dead woman was taken out and given to a child to drink. Even then, all relations will become harâm for this child.

12. Two children drank milk from the same cow or goat. In doing so, no relations become harâm, nor are they regarded as brother and sister.

13. A young man drank the milk of his wife. She does not become harâm on him, however, he has committed a major sin because it is harâm to drink breast-milk after the age of two.

14. There is a boy and a girl. Both of them drank the milk of the same woman. Now, they cannot marry each other irrespective of whether they were fed the milk at the same time or one was fed now and the other was fed after several years. The same rule will apply in both cases.

15. A girl drank the milk of Bâqir's (name of a person used as an example) wife. This girl cannot marry Bâqir, his father, his grandfather nor other ascendants. Furthermore, she cannot even marry Bâqir's children. In fact, she cannot marry the children of Bâqir which are from his other wife.

16. Abbas drank the milk of Khadîjah. Khadîjah's husband, Qâdir, had another wife by the name of Zaynab whom he had already divorced. In such a case, even Zaynab cannot marry Abbas. This is because Abbas is regarded as a child of Zaynab's husband and we know that nikâh with the husband's children is not permissible. Similarly, if Abbas divorces his wife, then this wife of his cannot marry Qâdir because he is now regarded as her father-in-law. Furthermore, Abbas cannot marry Qâdir's sister because she is regarded as his paternal aunt, and he, her nephew. This is irrespective of whether she is Qâdir's blood sister or his foster sister. The same rule will apply in both cases. However, Qâdir can marry ‘Abbâs's sister.

17. ‘Abbâs has a sister by the name of Sâjidah. Sâjidah drank the milk of a particular woman, but ‘Abbâs did not drink. In such a case, ‘Abbâs can marry this woman.

18. ‘Abbâs's son drank the milk of Zâhidah. It will be permissible for ‘Abbâs to marry Zâhidah.

19. Qâdir and Dhâkir are two brothers. Dhâkir has a foster sister. This sister can marry Qâdir but not Dhâkir. Understand all this very well because masâ’il of this nature are difficult to understand. We have therefore not gone into details. Whenever the need arises, consult a learned, intelligent ‘âlim.

20. A man proposed to or married a particular woman. Thereafter, a woman came and said that she had breast-fed both of them. Apart from this woman, no one else claims or bears testimony that she had in fact breast-fed this couple. In such a case, any foster relationship between this couple cannot be established merely on the allegation of this one woman. The nikâh of the couple will be valid. However, if two reliable and pious men or one reliable, pious man and two women bear testimony that this woman had in fact breast-fed this couple, only then will their foster relationship be established. Their nikâh will now be harâm. Without such a testimony, their foster relationship will not be established.

However, if only one man, only one woman or several women only bear testimony to this fact and one feels in one's heart that these people are speaking the truth, then in such a case they should not marry each other because there is no benefit in falling into unnecessary doubt. But if the nikâh is already performed, it will be valid.

21. It is not permissible to add a woman's milk into any medicine. If this is done, it will be harâm and it is not permissible to consume it or apply it. Similarly, it is not permissible to apply breast-milk in the eyes or ears as a form of medication. In short, it is not permissible to take any benefit from the milk of humans or to use it for one's personal purposes.

then both the husband and wife have to go to a Shar'î judge. The judge will ask both of them to take an oath. First, the husband will take the following oath: "I make Allah my witness and say that I am speaking the truth with regard to the act for which I have accused her." He should take this oath four times. The fifth time he must say: "If I am lying, may Allah's curse descend upon me."

When the husband completes this, the wife must say the following four times: "I make Allah my witness and say that he is lying with regard to the act for which he is accusing me of." The fifth time she must say: "If he is truthful in this accusation, may the wrath of Allah descend upon me."

Once both of them take this oath, the judge will separate them and one talâqul bâ’in will take place. The child will not be attributed to this husband, but will be given in the care of the mother. In the Sharî‘ah, this oath and counter-oath is known as li'ân.

Legitimate Offspring

1. When a married woman gives birth to a child, that child will be attributed to her husband. It is not permissible to say that this child is not her husband's and that it is someone else's merely on a doubt or suspicion. It is also not permissible to refer to such a child as being illegitimate. In an Islamic state, such a slanderer will be whipped.

2. The minimum period of pregnancy is six months and the maximum period is two years. In other words, a baby remains in the womb of a woman for a minimum period of six months. It cannot be born before this period. The maximum period it can remain in the womb is two years and not more than this.

3. The basic principle of the Sharî‘ah is that as far as is possible, a child will not be regarded as being illegitimate. When there is no option left, only then will the ruling be given that it is illegitimate and only then will we say that the woman has committed a sin.

4. A person issued a talâqur raj'î to his wife. Thereafter, she gave birth to a child within a period of two years. This child belongs to this husband. It is not permissible to regard this child as being illegitimate. According to the Sharî‘ah, this child's lineage is in order. Even if this child is born one day before the expiry of two years, the same rule will apply. It will be regarded as if she had fallen pregnant before the divorce could be issued to her, that the child remained in her womb for up to two years and that after delivering the child her ‘iddah has come to an end and she has now come out of the nikâh with this man.

If this woman has already admitted that her ‘iddah has come to an end before she could give birth, then there will be no alternative but to say that this child is illegitimate. In fact, if such a woman gives birth to a child after two years and she has not admitted that her ‘iddah has come to an end as yet, even then this child will be that husband's irrespective of how long it takes to deliver this child. In this case, it will be understood that they had engaged in sexual intercourse while she was still in her ‘iddah and that he had now revoked his divorce. Therefore, the child that is born will be his, this woman will still remain his wife, and the nikâh will not be annulled. If it is not the husband's child, he must say so and once he rejects this child, the laws pertaining to li'ân will apply.

5. If a talâqul bâ’in was issued, the rule is that the child will be the husband's if it is born within two years. If it is born after two years, it will be an illegitimate child. However, if the child is born after two years and the husband still claims that it is his child, it will not be illegitimate. In such a case it will be understood that they had unwittingly engaged in sexual intercourse while she was still in her ‘iddah and she fell pregnant thereafter.

6. An immature girl who is close to maturity was given a divorce. After the divorce, she gave birth to a child after a full nine months. This child is illegitimate. If it is born within nine months, it will be attributed to the husband. However, this girl will have to admit that she is pregnant while she is still in her ‘iddah, i.e within three months she will have to admit that she is pregnant so that the child will not be regarded as illegitimate. If the child is born within two years, it will be the husband's child, i.e. it will be legitimate.

7. A woman's husband passed away. If she gives birth to a child within two years from the time that he passed away, this child will not be illegitimate. Instead, it will be attributed to the husband. However, if the woman had already admitted to the expiry of her ‘iddah then there will be no option but to regard it as illegitimate. If it is born after two years, it will still be illegitimate.

Note: We learn from these rules that the habit of accusing a woman of adultery when she gives birth to a child a few months beyond nine months after the death of her husband is a major sin.

8. If a child is born before six months after the nikâh, it is illegitimate. If it is born on the completion of six months or thereafter, it is legitimate and it is a sin to have any doubts with regard to its legitimacy. However, if the husband rejects the child and says that it is not his, then the rules of li'ân will apply.

9. The nikâh has been performed, but according to custom, the bride did not leave her parents' home as yet. In the meantime, she gives birth to a child and the husband does not reject it by saying that it is not his. This child will be regarded as the husband's and will not be regarded as illegitimate. It is not permissible for others to regard it as illegitimate. If it is not the husband's, he should reject it and upon rejecting it, the laws of li'ân will apply.

10. The husband is gone overseas for quite some time. Several years have passed and he has not come home. In the meantime, his wife gives birth to a child and the husband claims that it is his. Even in such a case, the Sharî‘ah will not regard this child as illegitimate and it will be attributed to the husband. However, if the husband rejects it after receiving this news, the laws of li'ân will apply.

1. The husband and wife have been separated, divorce has taken place and they have a small baby. The mother of the child has the right of custody over the child. The father cannot take this child away. However, the father will have to pay for all the expenses that will be borne in order to bring up the child. If the mother does not take the child, and instead, gives it to the father, he will have to take it. The mother cannot be forced to keep the child.

2. If there is no mother or she refuses to take the child, the maternal grandmother and then the maternal great grandmother have the right of custody. Thereafter, the paternal grandmother or great grandmother will have the right of custody. If they are not present, the blood sisters of the child have the right of custody. If they are not present, then the stepsisters. However, as regards stepsisters, those who are from the same mother will be given preference over those who are from the same father. Thereafter, the child's maternal aunts and then the paternal aunts.

3. If the mother marries a person who is not a mahram relative of the child, i.e. this relative is such that nikâh with him is not harâm forever, then the mother forfeits the right of custody over the child. However, if the woman marries a mahram relative of this child, and this relative is such that nikâh with him is not valid (for the child), e.g. she marries the child's paternal uncle or any other similar relative, then the mother's right of custody remains. In the absence of the mother, if any other woman such as the child's sister, maternal aunt, etc. marries a ghayr mahram man (i.e. a ghayr mahram man to the child), the same rule will also apply. That is, the right of custody over the child no longer remains with this woman.

4. The right of custody over the child had been forfeited on account of the woman marrying a ghayr mahram (of the child). Thereafter, this man divorced her or he passed away. The right of custody will return to this woman and the child will be handed over to her.

5. If, from among the relatives of the child, no woman can be found in order to take custody of the child, the father will be the most eligible for custody. Thereafter, the paternal grandfather will be the most eligible, and thereafter the same order that we had mentioned in the chapter on the walî (or guardian) at the time of nikâh, will be followed. However, if the relative is a ghayr mahram and there is some fear over the safety of the child in the future, then in such a case the child will be given to someone who is reliable and trustworthy.

6. The right of custody over the child remains as long as the child does not reach the age of seven. Once the child reaches the age of seven, the father can take the child forcefully if he wishes to do so. The right of custody over a girl remains until she reaches nine years of age. Once she turns nine, the father can take her and the mother does not have the right to prevent her from going.

understanding that had prevailed prior to your argument will no longer be the same. Irrespective of how many excuses and pardons you may put forward, the love and clean-heartedness that had prevailed will no longer be found. Later, when any incident takes place, the mind will always go back to that argument and the husband will always think that this is the same woman who had said such-and-such thing on that day. Therefore, you should always think and ponder before saying anything or doing anything when dealing with your husband. In doing this, you will not only gain the pleasure of Allah and His Rasûl sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, but you yourself will be happy in this world and in the hereafter.

It should be borne in mind that the bringing up of children in the proper manner is of prime importance. This is because whatever good or bad habits they learn in their childhood, they do not leave them for the rest of their lives. From the time of infancy till they reach maturity, the following matters should be strictly adhered to:

1. Ensure that the child drinks the milk of a pious, religious woman. Milk has a great effect in the life of a person.

2. It is the habit of women to frighten their children by mentioning the police or other frightening persons or objects. This is an evil habit. Children become weak-hearted because of this.

3. Set aside specific times for making him drink his milk or feeding him so that he may remain healthy.

4. Keep him clean, neat and tidy because one remains healthy in this way.

5. Do not beautify and adorn the child excessively.

6. If the child is a boy, do not lengthen the hair on his head.

7. If it is a girl, do not make her wear any jewellery as long as she does not reach the age where she has to observe purdah. This is because this will pose a danger to her life. The other reason is that it is not a good habit to create a love for jewellery in a girl's mind when she is still so young.

8. Have the habit of handing over the responsibility of distributing food, clothing, money, etc. that is to be given to poor people to your children. Similarly, give them the task of distributing food, sweets, etc. to their brothers, sisters and other children. This is so that they will inculcate the practice of generosity. However, you should remember that you must only ask them to distribute those things that belong to you. It is not permissible for anyone to ask them to distribute those items or things that belong to them from the Shar'î point of view.

9. You should mention the harms of over-eating to them. However, do not mention anyone by name. Instead, tell them that the one who eats too much is regarded as an ox (or any other similar example).

10. If it is a boy, incline him towards wearing white clothes and create a dislike in his heart for colourful and gaudy clothing by telling him that such clothes are worn by women and that he is a man. You should always teach him in this way.

11. If it is a girl, do not give her the habit of worrying too much about plaiting and parting her hair or wearing very stylish clothing.

12. When a child persists or insists on having something, do not fulfil all his wishes or else he will become spoilt.

13. Prevent the child from talking very loudly or shouting. Especially if it is a girl and she speaks in this loud shouting manner, you should scold her and reprimand her. If you do not do this, this habit will remain when she grows up.

14. Safeguard your child from speaking or mixing with children who have evil habits, who are not interested in their learning, who are in the habit of wearing stylish clothes or eating extravagant dishes.

15. Always inculcate a hatred for the following actions in your child, i.e. teach him to hate the following acts:

(a) becoming angry,

(b) speaking lies,

(c) envying someone,

(d) stealing,

(e) carrying tales,

(f) defending whatever he does or says,

(g) to unnecessarily "make up" stories,

(h) speaking excessively without any benefit,

(i) laughing unnecessarily or laughing excessively,

(j) cheating or deluding someone,

(k) not thinking about or not differentiating between good and bad.

If any of these acts or traits are found in him, stop him immediately and warn him.

16. If he breaks something or begins to hit someone, punish him accordingly so that he does not repeat such acts. Loving the child, consoling him or allowing him to commit such acts always causes the child to become "lost" or spoilt.

17. Do not allow the child to sleep very early.

18. The habit of waking up early should be inculcated in the child.

19. When the child reaches the age of seven, inculcate the habit of offering salât.

20. Once he reaches the age wherein he can go to madrasah, first teach him to recite the Quran.

21. As far as is possible, make him learn under a religious-minded teacher.

22. Don't ever allow him to absent himself from going to madrasah.

23. Set aside certain times in which you narrate stories of the pious to him.

24. Do not allow the child to look at books that contain love stories, stories that are contrary to the Sharî‘ah, stories that are obscene or that have no benefit, love poems, etc.

25. Give them books that cover the different aspects of the Dîn, and books that cover the necessary aspects of this world.

26. Once the child returns from the madrasah, permit him to play around in order to occupy him and so that he does not become dull-headed. However, the games must be such that there is no sin in playing them and at the same time there is no fear of physical injury.

27. Do not give the child any money to purchase fireworks, musical instruments or any other similar unnecessary items which amount to wasting of money.

28. The habit of watching games, matches, etc. should not be inculcated in the child.

29. Always teach your children some sort of hobby or trade which will help them at the time of need or necessity whereby they can support their families.

30. Teach girls to write to the extent that they are able to write necessary letters and also work out the expenses of the house.

31. The habit of doing their own work should be inculcated in the children so that they do not become dependent and lazy. You should order them to lay out their own beds at night and to get up early in the morning and neaten their beds again. They should keep their clothes neatly. Clothes that become undone or torn should be stitched by themselves. Clothes that are clean or dirty should be kept in a place where there is no fear of moths.

32. Emphasize on the girls to check the jewellery that they are wearing before they go to sleep and once they wake up the following morning.

33. You should order the girls to watch attentively at the cooking, sewing, threading, dying, and all the other work that is carried out at home so that they will also learn these things.

34. When the child does something good, praise him, kiss him, reward him so that he will feel happy. When he commits an evil act, call him aside in privacy and make him understand that he has committed an evil act and that others will think bad of him, and that whoever else comes to know of it will also think bad of him. You should warn him against committing such an act again and explain to him that good children do not do such things. If he repeats that act, punish him appropriately.

35. It is the duty of the mother to create respect for the father in the child's heart.

36. Do not allow the child to do anything secretly. This is irrespective of whether it is some game, food or any other act. If he does anything secretly, you should immediately understand that he regards it to be evil. If the act is in fact evil, teach him to abstain from it. If it is a good act, such as eating or drinking, then tell him to eat and drink in the presence of others.

37. Set aside some strenuous work for the children which will keep them healthy, energetic and which will not allow laziness to overtake them. If it is a boy, he should do gymnastics, weightlifting or walking for a few kilometres. As for girls, it is necessary for them to work with the grinding stone and spinning wheel. The benefit of doing these things is that they will not regard such work to be below their dignity.

38. When walking, teach them not to walk very swiftly, nor should they raise their gazes when walking.

39. Inculcate the habit of humility in them. Their manner of speaking, walking, conversing, etc. should be such that they do not become boastful. They should be taught humility to such an extent that they should not even sit with their classmates and boast about their clothes, house, family, books, pens, ink, exercise books, etc.

40. Occasionally you should give them some money so that they may purchase whatever they wish. However, inculcate the habit in them that they should not conceal whatever they buy.

41. Teach them the etiquette and manners of eating, sitting and standing in gatherings. We will now enumerate a few of these etiquette:

1. Eat with the right hand.

2. Read Bismillâh in the beginning.

3. Eat the food that is in front of you.

4. Do not commence eating before others.

5. Do not ogle or stare at the food.

6. Do not look at those who are eating.

7. Do not eat very quickly.

8. Chew the food well.

9. Do not take another morsel as long as the morsel that is in your mouth is not chewed and swallowed.

10. Do not allow the gravy and other liquids to drip onto the clothes.

11. The fingers should not be allowed to become too messy.

1. Whoever you meet, meet with respect and speak kindly.

2. Do not spit in gatherings nor clean your nose. But if there is a need to do so, excuse yourself and go to another place.

3. If you have to yawn or sneeze, cover your mouth with your hands and try to muffle the sound.

4. Do not face your back towards anyone.

5. Do not face your feet towards anyone.

6. Do not sit by placing your hand under your chin.

7. Do not crack your fingers.

8. Do not look in the direction of anyone repeatedly and unnecessarily.

9. Remain seated with respect.

10. Do not speak excessively.

11. Do not take oaths over trivial matters.

12. As far as possible, do not commence with any conversation. When the other person speaks, listen attentively so that his spirits are not dampened. However, if it is a sinful conversation, do not listen. Either stop him, or leave that place.

13. As long as a person does not complete whatever he wishes to say, do not interrupt him.

14. If someone comes and wishes to sit in the gathering and there is no place, make way for that person and sit closely so that he may be able to get some place.

15. When you meet someone or bid them farewell, say As-salâmu ‘alaykum, and when replying to someone's salaam, say Wa ‘alaykumus salâm. Do not utter other forms of greeting.

(b) Meet their friends and relatives in a friendly way and also assist them wherever possible.

(c) If you have the finances, fulfil their unpaid debts and the permissible bequests that they have made.

(d) When they pass away, abstain from crying and wailing aloud or else their souls will be troubled.

6. According to the Sharî‘ah, the rights of the paternal and maternal grandparents are similar to those of the parents and they should be regarded as such.

7. Similarly, the rights of the maternal and paternal uncles and aunts are similar to those of the parents. This has been deduced from certain ‘Ahâdîth. (Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "The maternal aunt has the status of one’s mother." - Tirmidhî)